I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
