no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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