This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
