I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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