life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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