Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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