haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
