Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
