nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
