I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
