So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
