I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
