maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
