I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
