He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
