Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
