no, he came in my armpit
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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