you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
