i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
