i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize