Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
