i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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