Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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