I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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