my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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