im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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