dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
