I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
