Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
