its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
