He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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