he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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