I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
