She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
