I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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