I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
