Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
