there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just pee around me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
