Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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