i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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