I have demons in me.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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