Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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