It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
