Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
