Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
