at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
