I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
