I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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