I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
