why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My cat gives me a boner
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize