I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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