She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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