I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
