Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
