I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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