There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
