capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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