oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
