I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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