You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
