I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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