life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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