I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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