So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
