Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
