At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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