and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
did you just send me my own nude
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
