yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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