you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
