Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The Olympian is in my bed
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