omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
