Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
